It's in the bag

About a million years ago, I often watched this show called "This Old House". There was also another show (the name escapes me), where this guy "Norm" would renovate old, old houses. Norm was this amazing master carpenter guy who could fix and build anything... seriously.. ANYTHING. I remember having conversations about this guy and often mentioned that while he was obviously an amazing craftsman, he also had every tricked out power tool known to mankind. Skill is important, of course, but so are tools. I am a fairly decent domestic goddess and while I possess a good amount of skill in the kitchen, without my tools of the trade, things would be a lot more challenging... As with most things in life, this translates to golf.

When I started on my little journey to become a golf chick, I began with a set of inexpensive, hand-me-down clubs. Once my sweetie saw that I was "all in" and not only committed, but obsessed, we drove straight to Sport's Authority and looked at "all the pink golf stuff"! That day was like Christmas morning for a 4 year old! We found a full set of clubs (omg they are pink!) and they came with bag. We actually left the store and drove right back to the range so I could take them for a spin. I was glowing... I know I was!

Now then... a full set of nice (yet not horribly expensive) starter clubs are perfectly fine for the freshly baked golfer. But, what's a girl to do once she's moving into toddler-hood?

Well, I don't know yet. Although I am the most instant gratification person on the planet, I know that patience will pay off here. I do know that the driver in the bag of rentals I used in Hilton Head made a big difference for me. So, save the pennies and then, get fitted for a driver that maximizes the positive aspects of my swing (there's got to be something that isn't horrible about it right?), whilst minimizes the flaws (those I know for a fact exist). I sort of equate clubs to shoes (OK I may equate many things to shoes).. for example, that pair of hot pink, satin, peep toe, Christian Louboutin pumps I tried on at Barneys made me look like a movie star. No seriously, I was wearing jeans and had been walking around the city all day (and perhaps sipped a cocktail or two, but who's counting), and the minute I slipped my pups into those shoes, it was like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz with the ruby slippers. Sigh... those shoes are a work of art, but my feet were killing me within about 2 minutes (they also happen to carry a price tag of just under a grand so there's that). The point is, they are FABULOUS... but they just didn't fit me or my feet (however should I ever come up with $1k to blow on a pair of shoes, I'll order them in a different width etc). My point is, just because they are fab doesn't mean they are a good fit... like clubs. So, if I threw down a mortgage payment on a top of the line set of clubs, would my game be better? Maybe... maybe not.

A month or so ago my course was hosting "demo days". All the big names were there, Callaway, Taylor Made, Ping, etc. After we played our round my sweetie and I checked out the sellers wares (by the way, if anyone is on the fence about deciding whether or not to start playing golf, keep in mind that it offers fab shopping opportunities... that should sway you over to the green side). Anyway, I decided to check out some Callaway hybrids. I have a 21 degree hybrid in my bag, but I don't love it. When I was in Hilton Head, I used a 27 degree and was like BOOYAH, that is my club! So I swung a few hybrids, thankfully hit some kickin' shots (the reps are standing right there, I mean the pressure was on!). Anyway, we left for a quick trip to the 19th hole and I had dreams of hybrids swinging in my head. At one point my sweetie briefly disappeared (I assumed to nip into the loo), and we left shortly thereafter. Guess who's bag was just a little bit heavier on the way out? Yep! My sweetie went to the pro shop and bought the 24 degree Callaway! omg.. I have no words! I LOVE THAT CLUB (not as much as the hot pink peep toe pumps, but close).
Every time I pull the head cover off of that club, I get a little thrill and often hit a great shot with it. And yes, I intend to buy a full set of hybrid irons because unlike my sweetie, I do not possess a perfect natural swing. Hybrids are very forgiving and a really good call for a casual golf chick. They don't catch the grass like irons can and I use that club for pretty much every approach shot. Sigh... I love it. Haven't named it yet, must work on that.

It is not necessary to go into financial ruin to start playing golf. In fact, it's better to wait until you've found your swing. Just like fingerprints, we all have our very own swing... and we should embrace it for exactly what it is.. good bad or ugly. :)

Swing battah, battah... swing!

Try Easy

Since I am in sales, I have a lot of pressure to get results. Sales results equate to bills paid (and golf of course), which is the point of it all. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who does the same thing I do, for the same company. We were discussing the frustrations of being commission only and how difficult it is to work your heiny off, and perhaps have an entire week (or longer) without closing a deal. My friend mentioned that it just shouldn’t be this difficult… sigh.

Although we may joke about wishing to be ladies (or gentlemen) of leisure, few of us truly want to lie around the house eating bon-bons all day. I can certainly speak for myself when I say that I like hard work, because the reward is so much sweeter when you know you’ve earned it. This frame of mind is exactly why we casual golfers have a hard time “letting go”. In terms of hard work, golf can prove the most challenging because one practice on the range does not a pro make. However, our golf games are constantly evolving, and eventually we improve. No instant gratification to be found here… and we have to learn to be ok with that.

Take the golf swing for example. The harder you try to hit the ball, the worse your shot will be. The backswing should be nice and smooth, and after you’ve engaged your lower body, centrifugal force will kick in and give you a nice club head speed. But the club has to do the work… the smoother the swing the better the connection and in turn the shot. We all know the feeling of that great shot, perfectly timed, perfectly connecting the ball and the sweet spot, and that is what keeps us coming back time after time. That shot really isn’t that difficult, yet it can often be the most elusive thing to find for 18 holes... or 36.. or... or.. or..

Why can’t we just chill out? Why can’t we just relax? Why do we strive for perfect results within every aspect of our lives? Isn’t the journey supposed to be the good part?

Shades on. Windows down. Wind in your hair.

Get on your bad motor scooter and ride...

The Peanut Gallery

Yesterday, my sweetie and I played a round with my brother in law. Since we played on Mother's Day he and my sister have been bitten with the bug and I am thrilled! We were waiting for the group in front of us to tee off and just kind of hanging out. The first guy in the group took his shot and totally pulled it landing far left of where he had intended. The guy he was playing with said "you made great connection and had killer hang time". The second guy stepped up and took his shot. He topped it, and the grounder rolled a fairly decent distance. His com padre said "hey at least it was straight, now you've just got to get up and down". You see? Golfers are so nice to each other! The constant words of encouragement from the peeps in your group keep you going and allow you to not feel like a complete fool. Rhetoric is something I find fascinating. When people use certain words or phrases and the reasons why they use them has a multitude of variables. The golf course offers a plethora of situations just like the ones those guys had on the first tee.

Words and inflection can evoke any number of emotions from the person for whom they are intended. Case in point: My twinster is a brand new, freshly baked (that's what I call newborn babies because they're all warm and soft) golfer... but so is my brother in law. Since they've decided that golf is their game, they have hit the range and looked for any opportunity to play. My sister had hoped that golf would be something they could do together, but separately. Meaning, they could go to the range together, play a round together, but also work on their own games independently. My sis has a crazy work travel schedule, still does hair when she's "off" and has three girls (the most precious nieces I could ever dream of) with which to contend. Needless to say life tends to be a bit crazy for her. It would be wonderful if she could use the driving range as I do, as a way to clear her head and find peacefulness amidst a hectic day. Hopefully this will happen, however...

Let's just say, she doesn't need anyone throwing salt in her game: [enter, brother in law]. My bro in law is of course a guy (duh), however he was also a baseball player. Can you see where I'm going with this yet? Anyway, he's still freshly baked but has a serious advantage over my sister: he's a dude, and he played baseball. The idea of hitting a ball and the physics behind that are not as foreign to him as they are to my sis. Now then, there they are at the driving range. My sis is still working on finding her full swing and is working with her 9 iron and 7 iron. This is exactly as it should be. Sigh... my bro in law says to my uber self conscious sis "do you think you should have a solo lesson". oh no... really? here's the thing: although that sounds like an innocuous and even perhaps a supportive comment, it was the inflection. Here's what my sister heard: "you are so remedial that you need extra help to not make a fool of yourself". The day after that comment was made my bro in law was coming down to play with my sweetie and me. Prior to his departure my sis asked that he leave her 7 and 9 guys because she was going to try to hit a bucket. My darling, precious, yet idiotic male of a bro in law said: "ummm don't you want your driver? you should start practicing with that so you can hit the ball further". omg. NOOOOO!!!! Not only is my sis not ready to swing her driver, she's got a ways to go before she tackles the woods. AND THAT IS OK!!! whew. Yes, yes I wanted to smack my bro in law, but he really is the cutest and had no idea he upset my sis (and let's all cross fingers he doesn't read this particular post.. love you MW!!! you know I do!!).

Then there is my sweetie. He's my caddy, my Fluff Cowan. He lugs my pink golf bag without a second thought. He also happens to be a man of few words (clearly opposites attract). However, he's never at a loss for words when it comes to "stating the obvious". Yesterday, I made my first official GIR (green in regulation) on the 4th hole at my little home course (not my first GIR ever, I've done that plenty o'times, the first time on this hole, yay me!). This hole is the hardest on the course and getting your ball to stay up on the green takes a fricking act of God. The green plays about 156 from the tee and is elevated. That would all be fine and dandy if the green didn't have a center elevation equivalent to the crest of Mt. Everest. You have to give the ball a good smack to get it to the green, however if the ball comes in hot )or even warm), it will just keep on rolling over the green and down into the grassy ditch. You try to land it short, and chances of it rolling up and on to the green are slim. Needless to say I could have jumped up and down at the feat! Ahh, but never fear, putting on this green is worse than sticking the drive. I had a crazy long putt and the break is brutal. I felt good and hit the ball with what felt to me like a good stroke and the right distance and a good line. The ball has to have enough gas to get up the slope, but if you don't give it exxxactly the right amount, it makes it up the slope and catches the beginning of the down slope. Once that happens: bah-bye Gertie (my ball is always named Gertie, for some reason I like it better when she has a name, don't ask). There goes Gertie, rolling and rolling and rolling.. off the green and yeah.. you guessed it.. lands at the bottom of the grassy ditch. FRICK! So much for the GIR, I have to chip it up onto the green from the bottom of this darned ditch... soo irritated! At this point throwing my club (or perhaps entire golf bag) into the bay is the most innocent action I'm contemplating taking. I'm trying to be cool, be all "big girl golf" and then.. my sweetie says.. wait for it, waaaait for it... he says: "you hit it way too hard". Really? REALLY?!?! Wow... thank you for stating the obvious, because clearly I never would have figured that out. He knows that it makes me nuts when he states the obvious. Statements like that climb up my last nerve and screeeeeech their way back down. The thing is, words have the ability to lift you up or to push you down. I know that my sweetie would never push me down, he's the "wind beneath my drive" for pity's sake but for the love of gawd I can't take it!

Word to the wise: don't speak without your attorney present.

Lingo 101

In every sport, industry, workplace, family and group of friends, there exists a language specific to that group. It is easy to feel like an outsider when we hear people using terms and phrases that mean absolutely nothing to us. As a meeting planner I could have a 45 minute conversation comprised primarily of acronyms, for example: “I was reviewing the BEO’s and I think schoolies will fit better in that set to make sure there is enough room for the A/V and F&B”. See what I mean? Imagine being an intern working for me! Anyway, in terms of insider lingo, golf may be the worst offender, especially to someone who is new to the scene and already feels like an outsider. I suggest that if you want to assimilate quickly and easily into this foreign land, get a jump start on learning the language.

There are certain terms that my sweetie and I use and are specific to us. However, the terms are often rather catchy and by the end of a round, the other people in our foursome have likely adopted our vernacular as their own. And the people in our foursome have likely used some terms that we pick up and use repeatedly. Not only is it helpful to know the normal course lingo, but throwing out a unique term will impress your foursome (or at least make them laugh which is good in any case). Therefore, I am happy to provide a cheat sheet of golf vernacular (sometimes common, sometimes things my sweetie uses, or we’ve picked up from other player). Here goes:

You’ve got the boxes: This means, that “you have the honor of being first to tee off”. Normally, the person who had the lowest score on the last hole is the first to tee off at the next hole. So then, you say this to the person who has “earned” the boxes.

Grip it and rip it: This is sort of a way to let the person who’s up know they need to go ahead and tee off. Perhaps you were waiting for the group ahead to get off the green, but in any event, it’s like “ok, your turn, let’s go”.

Tasty two (or 3 or 4, etc.): When someone has had a particularly good hole, and putts it in you can say that it was a tasty “whatever they shot”. So, on a par 3, someone just birdied, you say “tasty two”.

Sandy: This is when you’ve gotten your ball out of the bunker and onto the green in one, then one putt.

Up and down: This is when you get “up” onto the green, and one putt “down” into the hole. When someone does this you say: “Nice up and down!” More often than not, during a tournament you’ll hear an announcer say “he’s got to get up and down to save par”, or something along those lines.

Settle: This is what you yell at your ball to stop rolling “for the love of gawd!”.

Sit Down: This means, that the ball is in the air (some people actually get killer hang time, whatever…) and they want the ball to come down so it doesn’t overshoot the aimed for landing place. You hear this most often on really windy days when someone made the error of using a high lofted club. I personally, have yet to beg my ball to sit down. I wish she’d get “up” in the first place. Sigh.

Pull the string (or put the brakes on): This refers to backspin. Backspin is often necessary when a ball has to be hit high or especially long to hit the green, or if the green has a downhill slope. When backspin is used correctly, the ball lands on the green and either rolls backwards, or stops in its tracks.

Tend the flag: When someone has a really long putt, or is chipping from the rough around the green, another person in the group should go to the flag and ask if the person swinging can see the hole, if yes, they will give you the thumbs upward motion and say “pull it”, or if they can’t see it, you stand at the hole, and as soon as they hit the ball you pull the pin.

Nice roll: When someone hits a nice putt, but perhaps does not land in the hole, you acknowledge that it was a nice roll. You can also say: “perfect distance”, or “you had the line”. This just means the putt was good regardless of them not sinking it.

Nice out: When someone has just gotten their ball out of the bunker on the first try you say nice out, pretty much regardless of the crappy place it may have landed.

There are a million more where these came from, but this is a good start. I figure that speaking the native language in any country helps us not to feel like we don’t belong.

Parlez-vous Golf?

The Club

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house, and my sisters and I loved it. Once a month, my grandfather and his friends met for “boy’s poker night”. All of the men took turns hosting the evening, and I loved it when it was my Papa’s turn. Since San Francisco is so dense, pretty much all of the houses, regardless of district are built tall and narrow. The living area is upstairs but downstairs, usually right off of the basement (if you’re from SF, the garage is ALWAYS called the basement), is a room… ahhhh, the rumpus room. This lovely space was created with the specific intent of being a place to have cocktail parties, and little gatherings. This is also the best place for a boy’s night with the chips, the cards, libations and cigars. When poker night was at my grandparents, I made every excuse possible to hang out down there. I’d see if they needed anything from upstairs, bring snacks, say “oh, did you call me”, knowing they hadn’t. Anyway, the rumpus room was the fun place and I would rather hang out with the guys than with the ladies. Although I am the girliest of girls, the cheerleader, not the jock, I really don’t dig the whole hens clucking thing. I think this is one of the many things that has drawn me to golf.

Being a chick at the course has absolute advantages. Firstly, the men are not threatened by our presence, and perhaps appreciate the occasional whiff of the lightly (the operative word here is “lightly”) perfumed chickadee. However, the objective (at least for me) is not to bask in male attention… I’m really just trying to work on this darned swing. However, if I’m going to be the hen in the rooster house, I need to adopt an attitude of graciousness. For example, I often hit the driving range in the middle of a stressful day to clear my head. Sometimes I hit balls to work on a swing correction and get a handle on it before actually playing. But whatever the reason, I’m out there for some peace and quiet (oh and… unless you’re waiting on a heart for a transplant, leave your cell phone in the darned car!). Anyway, there I am, minding my own business hitting balls, trying to get into my little groove, and sure enough, the guy next to me, or walking by, or 10 stalls down, feels compelled to offer some coaching. Eh ehmmm.. look dude, I just saw that shank of all shanks you hit, so umm, I’m all set. Perhaps I could offer you a tip or two? Hehe…

It is just part of the chemical make up of men, to be Mr. Fix it. This is generally one of men’s most redeeming qualities, but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming. I’m quietly working on my swing, then I have to humor the guy who has just offered his advice by pretending to incorporate his suggestion into my swing, whilst he stands behind me and watches a few, taking any and all credit for a good shot.. siiiiiigh … Now this is an easy day. I have had range sessions that have included a small cluster of Mr. Fix It’s vying for their place as my personal Mr. Miyagi… and, the thing is, I already have one. But thanks guys, love ya!

It is important to remember what your instructor has taught you and practice that on the range. If you are taking lessons with a pro, or whoever is sort of in charge of fixing your flaws, keep in mind what they have suggested. It’s nice to have input if you are having an issue with one thing in particular that one day, and free advice is nice and all, but it can really create additional issues, and/or undo all the work you’ve already done with the correction. However, be polite and appreciative… the guys want to help and physiologically, they HAVE to help. Seriously… how cute is that?? Boys will be boys… and really have no choice in the matter.

Let it be.

Miss Manners

Golf is considered a "gentleman's game". I totally love that! But what on earth does that mean? Well, perhaps it speaks to the fact that the game is self policed (case in point: Brian Davis at the Heritage Tourney). Perhaps it means that the behavior of a gentleman is required. Hmmm... I think maybe it's a bit of both of these. Consider the PGA: there are times when a player misses a putt and although he looks a bit bummed, he doesn't let the "F" bombs fly. Also, most players (save Tiger) are friendly with their counterparts, sometimes offering words of advice about a shot or the break on a green. A true golfer, is one who competes against the foe unseen: the course itself.

I have played many rounds with people I've never met, however the dialogue repeats from foursome to foursome; with one exception... One weekend morning my sweetie and I were hitting the links, happy as could be. Two kids, about 12 years old or so, were paired with us. We didn't mind, and introduced ourselves, looking forward to a lovely game. Things began as normal, although I just couldn't hit the ball that day. I was sooo frustrated, but ya know.. that's just the way it goes. Anyway, one of the boys was a little more aggressive than the other, and he was giving his friend a bad time about pretty much any shot he hit. I get the whole "boys will be boys" thing, but this was just lame. I have to say that I don't think this whole scene was helping in terms with of the energy of the group, but I persevered.

At one point, about 3 holes from finishing the round, the aggressive kid made a really "impolite" comment to me. He said (with a snicker) "have you even parred a hole?"... omg.. I felt my stomach drop, my face redden, and I totally could have bawled (but I couldn't because there's the whole "no crying in golf" rule.. dammit!!). I looked at the kid and said, yes, (you little S*&T), I usually have at least one or two pars per round, AND, I birdied the ninth!" (I may or may not have ended this statement with a "HPMH!"). Needless to say, this totally bummed me out. When we got to the last hole, we were wating to tee off. I was trying to let it go, but seriously, I just couldn't. Finally, I went all "mommy" on his ass. I said "you know what? You totally hurt my feelings, and that was really uncool, and it's not the way to play golf". I explained to him that the whole thing about the course, is that everyone encourages one another and does NOT make someone feel badly about a poor shot. Seriously? Do we not make ourselves feel badly enough?!?! I further explained to the kid (I was gaining speed now, chooo chooo!), that the non-stop crap he gave his friend throughout the round, went beyond "giving your friend a bad time" and that his attitude had no place on the golf course. (I may or may not have told him that his mother would be horrified at his behavior). So take that you little s*&^head! Anyway, I happened to hit a kickin' shot off the tee and that kid was not only chagrined, but chimed in with "great shot!", yada yada. Sigh... Anyway, he totally chunked his shot and oh how I wanted to point and laugh! Eh ehmm.. However, being the big girl golfer, I opted for the "no worries, you're just setting it up for your next shot."

The funniest thing? Everytime we've seen that kid since, he bends over backwards to go all Eddie Haskell to me. One round, he was a hole ahead of us and saw a few of my tee shots and putts, and made absolute sure to be Mr. Cheerleader.

The bottom line here is this: the Golden Rule applies to the links. Learn it. Live it. And if you don't, please don't play with me, because: a: I get a headache when I have to hold back tears and b:) I'll shame you into sending your mom flowers.

I'm just sayin'...

All Quiet

One of my favorite things to do, is to attend a PGA Tournament... I absolutely love the energy of the gallery. My sweetie and I have attended the AT&T ProAm at Pebble Beach, which has now become our Valentine's Day "thing". Forget flowers, candy and diamonds (OK, scratch that last one)... bring on the golf!

Before I started playing, I would have preferred a root canal over watching golf on TV. Now that I am "in the know", I enjoy it. I love the tradition and the pomp and circumstance of it all. However, actually being in the gallery is an experience all it's own.

One of the main focuses of my trip to Hilton Head (aside from the hotel tours, of course) was the Heritage Tournament. The second day of the trip began with breakfast and a couple of hotel tours (not to mention the most hideous hangover I've had in years), and the afternoon was dedicated to the tournament. When we arrived at Harbour Town, I was soooo excited.  I love this course and have played it many times (ok on Wii Golf, but so what?). We slowly made our way to one of the two sky boxes that were hosted by our hotel hosts. As I sat in the front row of the sky box on the 17th green (sipping a beer, hoping the hair of the dog would set me right), I was in my glory. Of course I was texting my sweetie telling him to look for me on TV (and yes, bitterly missing him). In that moment, in that lovely quiet space of the green, watching golf's most amazing players hit the ball, all I could think was: "wow, my job does not suck!"

The tournament was really exciting, and I had an opportunity to see all of the players walk off the 18th green, which means one thing: Autographs!! woohoo!! I completely filled my visor with names I cannot read (I kept a list to refer to)... but one I shall not forget: Jim Furyk, aka: "winnah, winnah!"

The autograph thing is tricky at a tournament. You cannot ask for one from a player until they are done with their round (they are working, people!). However, ProAm's are a little bit different, at least for the amateurs. The AT&T at Pebble usually has a fair amount of celebrities as the amateurs. Sometimes that is really cool (last year, Justin Timberlake played!), but at least for me, that is a small part of the draw (if any). Bill Murray is a standard fixture at this tournament, and he definitely works the crowd for a laugh. Sometimes the celebrities will come up to the rope as they are walking the fairway and sign autographs. I like Bill Murray as much as anyone I suppose, and was following the group he was in (not because of him, because he was playing with Rocco Mediate whom I love, love love!). Anyway, at one point Bill came to the ropes and was giving autographs. I had my trusty white visor in hand (and my own Sharpie), and politely waited my turn. Eh ehmmm... hello? Bill? You have made eye contact with me, signed for people on either side of me, and yet, completely dissed me. Why oh why? I wondered if perhaps the Nike "swoosh" on the visor was off putting. I couldn't figure it out! There I was, minding my own business, being polite. I was annoyed but was over it, and tried again not one, but two more times. Each time he did the same thing! HMPH! Well, after filling my visor with the names of the amazing players present at Heritage, including the winnah, to Bill Murray I say: "Put that on your tee and drive it"! I will not be asking for his autograph again. Nope. Never. Carl, the greens keeper would never have such an attitude...

Have Sharpie, will travel...