The Peanut Gallery

Yesterday, my sweetie and I played a round with my brother in law. Since we played on Mother's Day he and my sister have been bitten with the bug and I am thrilled! We were waiting for the group in front of us to tee off and just kind of hanging out. The first guy in the group took his shot and totally pulled it landing far left of where he had intended. The guy he was playing with said "you made great connection and had killer hang time". The second guy stepped up and took his shot. He topped it, and the grounder rolled a fairly decent distance. His com padre said "hey at least it was straight, now you've just got to get up and down". You see? Golfers are so nice to each other! The constant words of encouragement from the peeps in your group keep you going and allow you to not feel like a complete fool. Rhetoric is something I find fascinating. When people use certain words or phrases and the reasons why they use them has a multitude of variables. The golf course offers a plethora of situations just like the ones those guys had on the first tee.

Words and inflection can evoke any number of emotions from the person for whom they are intended. Case in point: My twinster is a brand new, freshly baked (that's what I call newborn babies because they're all warm and soft) golfer... but so is my brother in law. Since they've decided that golf is their game, they have hit the range and looked for any opportunity to play. My sister had hoped that golf would be something they could do together, but separately. Meaning, they could go to the range together, play a round together, but also work on their own games independently. My sis has a crazy work travel schedule, still does hair when she's "off" and has three girls (the most precious nieces I could ever dream of) with which to contend. Needless to say life tends to be a bit crazy for her. It would be wonderful if she could use the driving range as I do, as a way to clear her head and find peacefulness amidst a hectic day. Hopefully this will happen, however...

Let's just say, she doesn't need anyone throwing salt in her game: [enter, brother in law]. My bro in law is of course a guy (duh), however he was also a baseball player. Can you see where I'm going with this yet? Anyway, he's still freshly baked but has a serious advantage over my sister: he's a dude, and he played baseball. The idea of hitting a ball and the physics behind that are not as foreign to him as they are to my sis. Now then, there they are at the driving range. My sis is still working on finding her full swing and is working with her 9 iron and 7 iron. This is exactly as it should be. Sigh... my bro in law says to my uber self conscious sis "do you think you should have a solo lesson". oh no... really? here's the thing: although that sounds like an innocuous and even perhaps a supportive comment, it was the inflection. Here's what my sister heard: "you are so remedial that you need extra help to not make a fool of yourself". The day after that comment was made my bro in law was coming down to play with my sweetie and me. Prior to his departure my sis asked that he leave her 7 and 9 guys because she was going to try to hit a bucket. My darling, precious, yet idiotic male of a bro in law said: "ummm don't you want your driver? you should start practicing with that so you can hit the ball further". omg. NOOOOO!!!! Not only is my sis not ready to swing her driver, she's got a ways to go before she tackles the woods. AND THAT IS OK!!! whew. Yes, yes I wanted to smack my bro in law, but he really is the cutest and had no idea he upset my sis (and let's all cross fingers he doesn't read this particular post.. love you MW!!! you know I do!!).

Then there is my sweetie. He's my caddy, my Fluff Cowan. He lugs my pink golf bag without a second thought. He also happens to be a man of few words (clearly opposites attract). However, he's never at a loss for words when it comes to "stating the obvious". Yesterday, I made my first official GIR (green in regulation) on the 4th hole at my little home course (not my first GIR ever, I've done that plenty o'times, the first time on this hole, yay me!). This hole is the hardest on the course and getting your ball to stay up on the green takes a fricking act of God. The green plays about 156 from the tee and is elevated. That would all be fine and dandy if the green didn't have a center elevation equivalent to the crest of Mt. Everest. You have to give the ball a good smack to get it to the green, however if the ball comes in hot )or even warm), it will just keep on rolling over the green and down into the grassy ditch. You try to land it short, and chances of it rolling up and on to the green are slim. Needless to say I could have jumped up and down at the feat! Ahh, but never fear, putting on this green is worse than sticking the drive. I had a crazy long putt and the break is brutal. I felt good and hit the ball with what felt to me like a good stroke and the right distance and a good line. The ball has to have enough gas to get up the slope, but if you don't give it exxxactly the right amount, it makes it up the slope and catches the beginning of the down slope. Once that happens: bah-bye Gertie (my ball is always named Gertie, for some reason I like it better when she has a name, don't ask). There goes Gertie, rolling and rolling and rolling.. off the green and yeah.. you guessed it.. lands at the bottom of the grassy ditch. FRICK! So much for the GIR, I have to chip it up onto the green from the bottom of this darned ditch... soo irritated! At this point throwing my club (or perhaps entire golf bag) into the bay is the most innocent action I'm contemplating taking. I'm trying to be cool, be all "big girl golf" and then.. my sweetie says.. wait for it, waaaait for it... he says: "you hit it way too hard". Really? REALLY?!?! Wow... thank you for stating the obvious, because clearly I never would have figured that out. He knows that it makes me nuts when he states the obvious. Statements like that climb up my last nerve and screeeeeech their way back down. The thing is, words have the ability to lift you up or to push you down. I know that my sweetie would never push me down, he's the "wind beneath my drive" for pity's sake but for the love of gawd I can't take it!

Word to the wise: don't speak without your attorney present.