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May 06, 2010

Get thee to the 19th hole!

A few years ago I attended a dinner which was held in the banquet room at a golf course. I arrived early so I decided to sit at the bar until everyone else arrived. I ordered a glass of wine and pulled up a seat. I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings and was checking emails on my BlackBerry. As I finished what I was doing, I could feel someone's eyes on me. I looked up from my phone and had a long, slow, look down the bar. It suddenly became apparent that I was the only source of estrogen in the room and that every barstool was occupied by one attractive man after another. Ummm... JACKPOT! Who knew??

I was already happily attached, so this discovery didn't mean much to me, but I could rattle off a list of single girlfriends who would be in their glory! I have told many friends that they should take up golf or at least pop in to the bar for the occasional cocktail. The talent is there in both quality and quantity.

I suggest this venue for ladies who are in the market (whether you golf or not), but one must proceed with caution. I imagine that some of these men hang out at the course specifically to avoid women and we don't want to chase them away, so caution is the better part of valor here. Don't make this the new happy hour hang out for you and your dozen sorority sisters. Instead, pop in sort of discreetly either solo or with one wingwoman. This is also not the time for your hoochiest Saturday night skirt and thigh boots. The objective here is not to overwhelm the place with the smell of perfume and hair product, but instead to avail oneself to opportunity.

Golf can be a great vehicle for enhancing a relationship. Nothing melts my heart like the visual of my sweetie, in rough up to his armpits, looking for my errant ball. It's really quite sweet. Golf also offers a plethora of opportunities for bonding. Imagine: it's just you and him walking hand in hand down the fairway. The sun is shining, the only things audible are the sounds of birds chirping. The whole scene is tranquil and really quite zen. Of course the moment the bunker comes into view and you see your ball half buried the zen thing is over, but ya know, that's golf.

As most of us know, it is important for a man to "be the man". What better way to fulfil this need then by having him display his prowess in the fairway? I am lucky that my man is both a talented golfer and a patient teacher. This of course helped me (seriously, lessons are expensive) but every time he suggests a swing correction or puts me through a drill, he is teaching me something he knows, which is so important for the male psyche.

I have seen some women play against their sweetie... that is just wrong. Men are competitive by nature, but with each other, not with us. It's all fun and games while youre playing, but um, should you actually beat him... emasculation city! This will never be a problem for me because even if I spent the next year as a "Haney Project", I would still never have a chance in hell of beating him and umm... I like it like that. Why do we, as women, think that we should always be equal? Don't get me wrong, I expect to be able to play anywhere I want and with whomever I want, but I still expect the guy in front of me to hold the door to the pro shop.

Emasculation: just say no

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